Most Internet trolls love the smell of their own poop. But what if you are an Internet troll that has fallen out of love with it? Such a travesty can really throw your hate train off the rails! Luckily for you, here are four simple tips to get you back in the swing of things.
1Change Is Natural
The first thing to understand is that poop smells are like snowflakes: unique and always changing. Our bodies change, too. As soon as you notice a minimized love for your unique effervescent shit smell, don’t panic. Most of the time, your steaming pile of crap will go right back to the smell you knew and loved, all on its own. In the “mean time” (because you’re a troll, get it?) you can light a match.
2New Nose
Rhinoplasty, or what’s sometimes referred to as “nose reshaping,” will surely help, but yours won’t be to fix your face. Rather, your nose job will be for the anosmia, what doctors call the inability to smell. In recent studies, a whopping all of rhinoplasty patients got anosmia, a statistic that earns this plan *Foolproof Status!*
3Diet
What you eat affects the way your crock of shit smells. Even introducing a different Hot Pocket flavor can change everything. Instead of noodles tonight, have your mom make you the Taco Bell and Cheetos combo you love so much. You can prepare to smell your same old shit in no time.
4Are You Bored?
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you have hated all the hate there is for one website? If so, this could just be a simple case of ennui, which would totally fuck up your shit! Believe it or not, this could be fixed by moving your hate onto another website. If too scary, you can always start small, such as a local news station’s Facebook page (widely regarded as safe territory for any chicken shit Internet troll).
Well, what are you waiting for? Get back on that horse and spread the Internet with your vital commentary, Internet troll!
In Memoriam: This is dedicated to the Offsetter’s first Internet troll, A4ron. He stopped loving his poop smell and immediately dropped dead. We will never forget how much your poop smell was your life blood! (1979 - 2015)