Are you visiting Hawaii but recently had your rental car broken into? Are you in town for a golf tournament? Did somebody kidnap you as you exited a wine bar, mug you, and then dump you in a strange park six miles away? Did you come home to find a strange man sleeping in your bed and call the cops 45 minutes ago and they still haven’t arrived? Any of these things can happen, and we’re sorry to hear it! Sometimes, it can be hard to get the attention of a hardworking Honolulu Police Department (HPD) officer, so here are seven foolproof ways to get it, should you ever need it!
Have you just been shot? Sometimes, getting the attention of an HPD cop can be as simple as parking your car. For example, if you park it on a holiday, and there happens to be a school event, but the parking sign says no parking on school days except for holidays, an HPD officer will most-likely stop by to give you a ticket. Just show him you also need medical attention and you’re good to go.
Is it lunchtime, and you feel like you want to buy drugs or sell them to someone in broad daylight? You are pretty much invisible. But did you just get robbed at knifepoint and need an HPD cop immediately? Cross that street, my man! HPD cops love to help a jaywalker receive a $130 fine, and you’ll also be able to show him where the robber cut you.
Did your bike get stolen? This could help (although getting a car to run over you in order to get the attention of an HPD cop is gaining popularity).
People forget about this one, but if someone has carjacked you from the backseat and you need an HPD cop right away, simply drive three-to-six miles over the speed limit, especially on Kalanianaole Highway, and you will see an HPD cop posthaste.
There might only be two signs on either side of the 1.8 mile long Ala Wai Canal saying that skateboarding on the sidewalk is illegal, but if you have just seen a gruesome murder and need an HPD cop right away, grab your board and skate, mate! An HPD cop should be with you in about five minutes.
Oh, dear. Your cat has scurried up a tree and won’t seem to come down. Simply fall asleep on the sidewalk along Kalakaua Avenue and you will see a policeman in your face at once.
Perhaps the best, most assured way to earn the attention of a sworn officer in the Honolulu Police Department — should you ever need any of their broad-ranging services to the community — it is this: exist in a tent. Because, no matter where you go or what you do, as long as you merely exist in a tent, you will always have the undivided attention of the esteemed public servicemen and women of the good city of Honolulu.