Sad Ricky Figures It Out: Ice Cream

Ricky Peters was coddled as a child and well into his adult life, which has lead to a deluded sense of self-importance throughout his later years. After moving to Honolulu and being on his own, he began to realize there are many things in life that we don’t inherently know. For example, how, exactly do you make ice cream? Do you just leave milk in the freezer? Or what? Who knows! Let’s figure it out.

Beautiful Lady Uncle Sam is turning 237 years old in just a few weeks, can you believe it? Everyone knows her favorite birthday cake is Fourth of July ice cream. And let’s face it: It’s summer.

Big businesses know this, which might be why they sell their ice cream for big bucks, and think we’re going to pay $4.49 for some frozen milk and sugar. $4.49? Really, tough guys? Here, I set out to make some on my own, with as little ingredients as possible. You know. To hand it to those ice cream honchos. After all, this grand experiment we know as America is all about being a big wig and fighting the big wigs at the same time!

ice cream 01The last time I paid $4.49 for a tin of ice cream, Jefferson had just finished signing the Declaration of Independence, if you get my meaning.

And since this country was founded on the backs of hard-working Americans, I knew that the best way to stick it to the man was to round up a little sweat and hard work (and ingredients) and revitalize that ol’ American spirit of can-do Yes-We-Can.

ice cream 02Here I have some ground coffee beans (for the coffee ice cream), some sugar, and some milk. So how about we…Let’s Figure It Out! ©

Step one:
Mix in the coffee really well by stirring, or “churning”, all of the ingredients in a bowl.

ice cream 03

After a bit, mine ended up looking something like this:

ice cream 04

Think of the little coffee bits that don’t mix all the way in as symbols of American Grit ©.

Step two:
Put your soon-to-be ice cream in the freezer.

ice cream 05

Step three:
Test it every hour with a thermometer or your finger.

ice cream 06

When your finger can no longer break the surface of the ice cream, that’s what is called the “Homogenization moment”.

This is the stabilization of the ice cream’s crystallization layer.

Be sure to check your ice cream every hour to avoid over-crystallization and ending up with an ice-cube-like substance, instead of the desired, creamy ice cream. The sweet spot is somewhere more than one hour, but less than six. I can tell you with all certainty that, if left unchecked longer than six hours, you will get the ice-cube.

Give it a try! And the next time you see ice cream at the store for $4.49, go ahead and say, “No, thank you. I’d rather just Let’s Figure It Out! ©”

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